When I Say Baby, You Say Co-vid

I am so grateful to officially announce that Ezzy and I had a baby girl and her name is Shaina Sarah.

Ezzy and I had our baby on Monday night. We came home from the hospital on Wednesday night and Ezzy tested positive for Co-vid on Friday. I always plummet hard after a baby, but this plummet was like no other. This was the plummet of all plummets.

I was 4 days postpartum. I was walking around the house on shaky legs like a baby deer after it’s born. The insides of my body were in middle of playing a game of tetris trying to get itself back together. Every time I opened my mouth to talk, tears came out instead. I just had a baby, covid can’t hijack my post-partum. I’ve earned the right to stay in bed with my hand in a U shape waiting for coffee to be inserted into it. Im supposed to be sprawled out right now rehashing my birth story to ezzy who lost interest in the hospital room. Whos going to take care of the children? They’re too needy to be neglected. Thank you daniella for feeding them.

Within the next 10 days, everyone in the house tested positive

By the time I got covid, I was a mess. I was barely sleeping during the night or day. My doctor told me to wear a mask around the baby. But after two days ezzy told me to lose the mask in hopes of regaining my sanity. The kids were home coloring amazon boxes. The cleaning lady fled back to Peru out of fear of Co-vid. I was having bi-weekly emergency sessions with my therapist. I could no longer tate the 18 bars of chocolate I was inhaling. My coffee tasted like hot water. I couldn’t smell my baby’s breath. I couldn’t nuzzle her neck and inhale her scent.
I cried so hard that my stomach almost bounced up and slapped me in the face.

Postpartum mixed with covid was an experience I never anticipated, but somehow we crawled our way through it. Ezzy spent his quarantine time with us through a window. He propped himself up on a ladder to say Shema with the kids and see the baby. The kids had some very concentrated time with the new baby that otherwise wouldn’t of happened. Purim was spent in our home giving and receiving shalach manos by our door step – hands down the most relaxing purim I’ve ever had. The maror for Pesach was made with real tears, thank you mommy. After coming out of quaratnine, freedom never felt so good. The challenge of it all has gifted me with humility and perspective. Even with all the crying and all the chaos, I wouldn’t want it any other way.

It feels good to be here with you. How have you been ?

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